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They Beat Bartošová!

This is a pretty disturbing story, even for devoted watchers of Iveta Bartošová (and therefore, by extension, Blesk's coverage of her), and I would like to wish Iveta a speedy recovery. The translation is mine: They Beat Bartošová! Singer Iveta Bartošová was attacked yesterday by an unknown man! At her home in Uhříněves, a motorcycle stopped and a man hidden in a helmet rang the doorbell. Iveta went outside. At that moment a man pretending to be a courier attacked her and punched her in the face, saying: "That's for you, you whore!" and quickly rode away. What he meant by the words, Iveta has no idea.

"It hurts terribly. I immediately called an ambulance. It was a blow straight to the cheekbone. Little Artur was luckily with his dad ([songwriter] Ladislav Štaidl). I really don't know who I bother so terribly much," Iveta cried, adding that she has not yet reported the incident to the police.

Bartošová will premiere in the musical "Miss Saigon" Dec. 8, but doesn't know what she'll do with her black eye and swelling. "When I was doing terrible, nobody cared. Then I started to do better and I get foul and threatening letters every day. But after what's happened to me now, I'm seriously afraid. Especially for my child," she added, shaking.

This is Number 117 in the Blesk Iveta watch.

Iveta: No sex and depressed

The European Union suddenly finds itself without an executive branch, Iraq is going to hell in a handbasket, the US election could go either way and Standa Gross may or may not be listening to your phone calls. So of course that means it's time for the editors of Blesk to lead with another story on Iveta Bartošová. This time around, it's an interview with Iveta where she talks about being depressed, getting through money problems caused by an unscrupulous manager, and her need for a pořadnej mužskej. Czech students take note: that means she's looking for a real man.

My favorite exchange is this one:

Blesk: And what about sex? Don't you miss it, or are you working on that?

Iveta: I'm currently not sexing (Czech students should note the use of the term "nesexuju" - ed.) and don't miss it. But when I mention it, I don't want that to last.

This brings the Blesk Iveta count to 116.

Iveta in the hospital?

Back in the States, bloggers in their pajamas are waging jihad on traditional media, possibly bringing down anchorman Dan Rather over what may be forged documents related to George Bush's National Guard days.

Feh.

Here's the real stop-the-presses news. Iveta Bartošová spent some time in the hospital.

This brings the Blesk Iveta count to 115. There may have been one in there that I missed recently, but I can't be entirely sure. Regardless, this blogger in his pajamas hopes for a speedy recovery for Miss B. The pages of Blesk aren't the same without her.

Back to the grind

I'm back after a nice long week of doing a whole lotta nothing; I spent the last week in the environs of the Dolní Berounka river barbecuing incessantly, catching up on back issues of the New Yorker, walking through forests and going more or less cold turkey on the Internet.

I rode my bike back to Kafkaville last night to find that a bomb went off outside the kinda-creepy-anyway Royal Casino on Na příkopě, luckily with no fatalities.

Things seem to be getting back to normal today, though. Theo over at Steal This Idea was all over the story, btw, and Scott has a pretty good post about it too. I have two observations:

1) Seeing as the real estate on Na příkopě is some of the most expensive in the world, I wonder if this incident will have any effect on the already-bloated prices. Also, could the Na příkopě retailers' association, if they so decided, move to push the Casino Royal out?

2) Gross and his people are trying to downplay the significance of the blast, saying that it was merely a couple of goodfellas settling scores. But the association of your capital city's priciest real estate with mafia guys gone rampant can't be good for an already light tourist year. Saying, "well, at least it wasn't Al Qaeda," isn't going to do much.

Oh, and now for the real news: Iveta Bartošová is broke, Blesk reported on Saturday. Blesk obviously smells blood. Or is this just the latest chapter in her Perils of Pauline tale?

This brings the Blesk Iveta count to 114, in case anybody's counting.

Iveta gets a new role

It seems to be a rule that whenever I head out for the weekend, Blesk runs a story about Iveta Bartošová. Then again, Blesk runs a story about Iveta Bartošová anytime anybody sneezes, and if she sneezes, it's above the fold on Page One. Anyway, the story this time around is that she has won the role of Kim in the new Czech adaptation of Miss Saigon.

This is Number 113 in the Blesk Iveta count.

Iveta gets sick from airline food

The government falls, the Communists are eagerly rubbing their hands and giggling in the most evil way, the corruption scandal in Czech football is growing, and where is our beloved Blesk? On the real top story of the day, of course. Iveta Bartošová got sick on airline food and couldn't come to a release party for a CD.

This is Number 112 in the Blesk Iveta count.

Iveta Gets Her Ugly On

What was I thinking? In my eagerness to cover a couple of inconsequential and entirely meaningless stories about corruption, I almost missed the real news of the day, as brought to you by the ever-Iveta-obsessed editors of Blesk: Iveta Bartošová put on some ugly makeup for a taping of the game/talk show Nikdo není dokonalý (Nobody's Perfect).

This is Number 111 in the Blesk Iveta Count.

Iveta: In Debt

Lately I've been forgetting that Blesk comes out both on Saturdays and Sundays. I nearly missed this story from yesterday's Blesk about Iveta Bartošová's struggle to get out of her contract with her manager. Forget telenovelas, if I were a producer at any of the Czech TV stations, I'd make a novela out of Iveta's story, especially as it plays out in the pages of Blesk. To give you a taste of Blesk's Perils-of-Pauline coverage, I'm translating yesterday's story here:

Iveta Bartošová could have ended up in a brothel! And what's more, the money the three-time Český slavik winner would make from an appearance in a house of screams wouldn't match what a better prostitute makes.

Her managers are trying to rip her off and Iveta, being trusting, allegedly signed everything that was put in front of her. Now all the singer has left are eyes for crying, debts and probably a court date too.

And what's more, her manager has forbidden her to sing! Perhaps the only one who could help unhappy Iveta out of her mess is the father of her son, Arthur, Ladislav Štaidl (59). "To put it bluntly, I'd rather die than ask for help. I have to manage this on my own," Bartošová says resolutely.

The singer has already decided that she definitely wants out of the managerial hands of Zdeněk Barták. Now he's getting revenge. "He's forbidden her to play the Lucerna! Iveta was supposed to have a concert there May 6th in honor of her 20th anniversary in show business," one of Iveta's colleagues revealed.

"I was so trusting and I'm paying for it dearly. I don't want any manager anymore, who would 'take care' of me. I'm starting to take care of myself. Now I'm refusing to sign these slave-driving contracts," Iveta points out.

"Zdeněk is an excellent person and composer, that's a fact. But he's not a lawyer and organizer, and so I believe that he's not going to hold out for something that could degrade him too. According to that contract I'd have to sing in brothels, and if not, I'd have to pay him for lost profits," Iveta said, describing her slave-driving contract, which she naively signed because she believed Barták was her friend.

But! According to our information the contract has a two-year cancellation period and not keeping to the terms could risk a fine of half a million crowns.

"I don't know anything about Iveta wanting to leave me," Barták says foggily, because he doesn't want to give up so easily.

Iveta has recently signed a lot of papers whose contents she doesn't know about.

"I want to sing, I want to work, I want to make money. Definitely not for someone else, but for me and my son," she laments.

Štaidl has said that he would help Iveta - the mother of his son - anytime and with anything. The singer doesn't want to call for help. "Of course I'd help Iveta. But she's never asked me for anything of the kind. She's simply proud," Štaidl says.

This is Number 110 in the Blesk Iveta Count.

A New Love, or at Least A New Love in Blesk

Sometimes I forget that Blesk is the only Czech paper with a Sunday edition. Had I remembered that, I would have been able to blog this for you earlier, but better late than never, I suppose.

Are you ready for a bit of earth-shattering, stop-the-presses, whoa! nelly! news? Iveta has a new love, or so it seems from reading Blesk, your Number One Source of Iveta News.

This blog is probably your Number 10 source of Iveta news, and it's simply because I care enough (sniff) about you, dear readers, to blog every time Blesk writes a story about Iveta Bartošová.

Iveta: That Sex Cost 250,000 CZK

I was really beginning to wonder what was happening over at the newsroom of Blesk. Could it have been a putsch? A palace coup? Was the current regime of Iveta obsessives replaced by a secretive cabal of Karel Gott obsessives? Or did orders come down from Ringier headquarters in Zurich that There Will Be No More News About Iveta? Luckily, no.

Blesk leads today with a story about how a former manager, with whom Iveta had a relationship, absconded with 250,000 of her hard-earned koruny.

I've started to notice that the ends of these Blesk Iveta stories sometimes have messages written directly to her, and have a strangely moralistic tone to them. Here's the last graf of today's article:

"And what about you, Iveta? When will you ever learn? So far you haven't had much luck with lovers. Ladislav Štaidl didn't marry you, and the others, like singer Karol Csinno, only lasted a little while. At least they weren't so expensive."

This brings the Blesk Iveta Count to 108.

Iveta: Back from the Alps

Ten days. Ten days I say. Ten long, excruciating days into the new year without any word of Iveta Bartošová in the pages of Blesk. But fear not, dear readers. She's back from the Alps, and Blesk is there. Update 13 Jan 2004 23:54: This brings the Blesk Iveta Count to 107. Thanks to Peter from Prague TV for reminding me to update the count. How could I have forgotten?

Have more sex or get married and settle down

Today's addition to the Blesk Iveta watch is a weirdly passive-aggressive story about Iveta Bartošová's sex life. The story starts out with vicarious detail about her getting out and enjoying her single status: "Of course Iveta has guys. She's beautiful, famous. And what's more, these society parties are full of young men. She can lick all ten fingers with them. To have something going with Bartošova, that's a ticket to the big time," said a 'close friend' of Iveta's.

But then it gets serious. "... Wild parties, nights of passion. Even this wears a person out and they start to want to settle down. Especially when Iveta has a son and he needs a father. "I need a man who can leave a woman her freedom, but can defend her at the same time. And he also needs to know how to keep his word. All of those, that are missing this characteristic are worthless to me. I'm simply attracted to GUYS," she adds.

Puzzling article, this. Anyway, it brings the Blesk Iveta count to 106.

Don't Worry, Artie, Baby Jesus is Coming

I actually sat down to my computer this morning thinking, 'Hm. It's been a long time since we heard any non-news about Iveta Bartošová in Blesk. And then, like manna from heaven, we get this: Iveta and her son are looking forward to Christmas. Cultural note: In the Czech Republic, presents aren't handed out by Santa Claus, but by Ježíšek (Baby Jesus). This is number 105 in the Blesk Iveta Count.

Henry Copeland on Iveta Bartošová

My good friend Henry Copeland is one of the smartest people I've ever met. Every time I talk with him, I always feel my brain being stretched farther than it's stretched before.

Henry is the founder and visionary behind Blogads.com, the strips of ads you see on better blogs, including my own. He truly Gets It.

Which is why I was pleasantly surprised to see him post today about Blesk's Iveta Bartošová thing. His take on Why Iveta's Famous And You're Not has to do with a concept known as the Power Law:

Perhaps you could plot the distribution of Czech press mentions of celebrities on a log graph and get a straight line. Maybe Iveta gets 10 times more mentions than 10 other celebs, who themselves get 10 times more mentions than 100 other celebs.

This doesn't sound logical. But it definitely happens all the time. Power laws seem to apply to the distribution of wealth/marketshare/synapses among brain cells, browsers, blog traffic, high-school friendships, network hubs, and capillaries. To anthropromorphise a little, it seems that complex systems comprised of autonomous but interdependent units often end up creating "celebrities" (or hubs) among themselves, and eventually, celebrities among celebrities. The rich get richer and Iveta gets another mention in Blesk.

And he's just getting started. Read on for more Henry Copeland brilliance.

Iveta On Her New Album, Again

Posting around here will be light for the next couple of days.

In the meantime, Iveta's in Blesk again, talking again about her new album. This is number 105 in my Blesk Iveta Count.

Iveta's New Album

I got mail today from Kidradical asking about my "obsession" with Iveta Bartošová. Again, let me repeat. I don't particularly care one way or the other about Iveta. My "obsession" is with Blesk. What are the rules on celebrity news? As far as I understood it, you covered a celebrity and tried to at least find a "hook" to tie the news to; usually it's a new movie/CD/TV movie of the week coming out.

But what do you do in a tiny media market like the Czech Republic, where there aren't that many movies/CDs/TV movies of the week made? You keep covering the celebrities regardless of the "hook," I guess. Blesk's celebrity coverage usually consists of a photographer going out to some reception and taking snapshots of the "famous" people in the crowd.

But even though this is a small media market, there are still lots celebrities around. So what is it about Iveta that gets her in the papers more than others? Heck if I know. By blogging her appearances in Blesk I hope to understand this better.

Anyway, today Blesk writes that Iveta has a new album out. At least this story has a hook.

This is number 104 in the Blesk Iveta Count.

Iveta is a Gourmet

Let me get a few things straight. I don't consider myself a fan of Iveta Bartošová. I couldn't even name a single song of hers if my life depended on it. What I am fascinated by is the starmaker machinery surrounding her, which is one of the most successful I've ever seen. She manages to get into the papers with the most non-news of any celebrity I can think of. And the momentum of her celebrity makes it that much easier to publish the next non-news.

Case in point: Number 103 in the Blesk Iveta Count. Iveta is a gourmet.

Iveta Gets a New Car

The unreformed Czech Communist Party is now the second most popular party in the country. But do the editors of Blesk care? No way, man! There are more important things to cover!

For example, Iveta Bartošová got a new car in return for being the spokesmodel for a car dealer. I actually bought my car from this dealer, and they're pretty good. Think they'd make me a spokesmodel?

This brings the Blesk Iveta Count to 102.

Correction 15:03 Friday 14 Nov 2003: After re-reading the articles, the Communists are in second place behind the Civic Democratic Party (ODS) but ahead of the governing Social Democrats (CSSD).

Iveta: She's Dropped Her Extensions

So much happening in the world: helicopters falling in Iraq, scientists discovering a gene that causes osteoporosis, Bennifer back together... Do you think Blesk covers any of these? No. Instead, we get the most excellent news about Iveta Bartošová: she's gotten rid of her hair extensions and is wearing short hair again.

This is Number 101 in the Blesk Iveta count.

Iveta: Did she want to kill herself?

The 100th article in the Blesk Iveta Count is a hum-dinger. Her ex-husband and ex-Svengali, hitmaker Ladislav Štaidl, has a new book alleging that Iveta Bartošová had an affair with actor Rudolf Hrušínský nejmladší, and that when he confronted her with it, she tried to kill herself.

Heavy stuff.

Iveta herself, when asked for a comment, said this: "Authors have the right to poetic license, and the father of my child clearly used this to its fullest. I think that at this moment it is useless to confirm or deny something. In any event, I want to tell the readers of his book that they shouldn't believe everything that's written there. I have no intent to air dirty laundry in the public, in contrast to him, and to go into detail. That is all."

The best thing about the article is Blesk's instant poll at the bottom of the article, which asks:

Did Iveta try to kill herself?

- Štaidl just wants attention
- Iveta wouldn't do that
- Maybe it happened?
- This topic doesn't interest me

So far, 740 people have voted.

The Blesk Iveta Count, by the way, is the number of articles that show up on the Blesk website about Iveta. I try to blog every time Blesk runs a story about Iveta, and have been doing so since #83, back in April.

Iveta, Who's Reaching for Your Breast?

There's not much constant in this world, and even less that's fair. Witness the Cubs and Red Sox for example. But it's good to know that at least some things remain consistent, especially the editors of Blesk and their obsession with All Things Iveta.

Today's bit of non-news? Her stylist "adjusted" her breasts during the filming of her new video.

This brings the Blesk Iveta Count to 99.

Iveta rekindles an old flame?

You know, I was honestly beginning to get worried about the editors of Blesk. A whole month went by without any stories about Iveta Bartošová. Not to worry, though. She's back again with more non-news. This time, it's about how she may have rekindled an old flame during a 20-second meeting at the premiere party for Nemocnice na kraji město po dvaceti letech.

This brings my Blesk Iveta Count to 98 overall.

Iveta feared for her life

Even from Cape Town, you can't escape the fact that Iveta is everywhere. Here is the latest story, on how she feared for her life while yachting.

UPDATED Mon Sept 8 2003 1630: This brings the Iveta count to 97.

Iveta goes to the Carnival

Scientists in Australia recently determined that there are ten times more stars in the sky than there are grains of sand on all the Earth's beaches. They didn't, however, comment on how many articles Blesk publishes about Iveta Bartošová. Iveta went to the carnival. Number 96 in my count.

Conspiracy theorists and tinfoil hat wearers, as well as those of you "spící v alobalové krychli" take note: Iveta appears in these Blesk photos with Karel Gott's "girlfriend," Ivana Macháčková. Read at your own risk. These photos may not be real. They may be doctored. They may carry steganographic secret messages that could.... arrrrgh! The truth ... is ... out ... there!!!!

Iveta goes shopping

Faithful readers of this blog know that I've set myself a pretty big task: to document every time the tabloid Blesk writes a story about Iveta Bartošová. Well, there's another one today. Are you ready for breaking news?

Iveta went shopping. In Vienna.

This brings my Blesk Iveta count to 95.

Iveta plays Machovo jezero

Just when you thought she'd disappeared or something because it's been way too long since we'd heard from her (days! Days, I tell you!), Blesk informs us that they're sponsoring a concert at Machovo jezero with none other than Iveta Bartošová headlining. And you thought I was kidding about Blesk's Iveta Bartošová thing.

Iveta: Arthur needs a dad

Over at Blesk, they really seem to have a love-hate thing with Iveta Bartošová. Sometimes their stories are pure puff pieces, and sometimes they're more than a little weird, and sometimes just plain sad. This one (number 93 in the Blesk Iveta count, if you're keeping score) leads today's Blesk. It's about her son, Arthur, whose father is the Czech hitmaker Ladislav Štaidl, who's getting to the age where he's starting to ask questions. For example, he asks every male visitor if he's going to marry his mom.

Iveta buys Karel Gott's portrait

Whew! Just when I start thinking that maybe Blesk has eased up on their wall-to-wall coverage of All Things Iveta Bartošová, they come through with this breaking news: Iveta bought Karel Gott's portrait for 30,000 Kč in an auction at the Karlovy Vary Film Festival. This brings the Blesk Iveta count to 92.

Iveta: A new hairdo

This knowledge will surely displace one of Shakespeare's sonnets in my knowledge due to my Iva Kubelkova syndrome (see post below), but I have to tell you: Blesk says Iveta Bartosova has a new haircut. This brings the Blesk Iveta count to 91.

Iveta goes to the dentist

Inexplicably, today's Blesk has a story about Iveta Bartošová needing to go to the dentist. I may need to remind you that cucumber season hasn't even begun yet. For those of you keeping score at home, the Blesk Iveta count is now at 90, but I may have missed a few over the weekend.

Blesk: Iveta went sailing

Wow. How'd I miss this one? Blesk had another story about Iveta Bartošová on Tuesday. This brings the count to 89 on the Blesk website. The story? That she went sailing.

Iveta watch: New Blesk story

Blesk has a new Iveta Bartošová story. This is the third in seven days for Blesk, and it brings the Iveta count to 84.

This time the story is about how she's returned from a vacation in France, tan, rested and ready.

Iveta

What is it with the tabloid Blesk and Iveta Bartošová? In the 10 or so years Blesk has been publishing, she's been on the front page more than anyone I can recall. A search on their site turns up 83 stories, but that's only the ones online... That said, I learned a lot of my Czech by reading Blesk. The stories are short, and they're written for ten-year-olds. Which is exactly my level.